Do you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics? These may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when "Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous and clever.
Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmo magazine, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No. Wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
Q. Why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde. Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get
any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps.
One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple has a baby, who is responsible for its sex the mother or the father?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and Laugh.
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
Monday, November 22, 2004
Septic Bladder Does it Again...
FIFA President Sepp Blatter, in an interview suggested that he would have supported an England walkout over the racist abuse thrown at the coloured players in England stripes during the recent not-so-friendly match against Spain. I am not sure that this is the way to build bridges with the English if recent comments by Blatter are anything to go by.
Condoning a walkout is stupid at best, and sets a regrettable precedence. It tells players that they can take justice into their own hands and almost castrates the effectiveness of the FIFA dsicipline committee. I use the word almost because Mr Blatter would surely not let that happen - at least not on purpose. Otherwise how could he penalise players (or not) at a whim and fancy?
If racial abuse is justification for a walkout, how about personal abuse? Where do we draw the line? Imagine Wayne Rooney walking out of a Manchester derby because City fans call him Shrek?? If anyone should have the authority to order a walkout, it would have to be the unbiased and well-trained referee - supposing there is such a thing (referring to the latter quality!). And even so, it should be at a point where hostilities are deemed to border on dangerous. Arbitrary no doubt, but isn't it better than putting the decision in the hands of 22 adrenaline pumped young men and their managers??
What is apparent is the presence of double standards in the game and the ability of the powers that be to manipulate this to their own advantage. Whether it is bigoted coaches, racist fans, delinquent drug test-ees or over vehement managers, these problems are not new, and if FIFA does not have a standard procedure in addressing such issues, perhaps it is them that are drug induced.
Condoning a walkout is stupid at best, and sets a regrettable precedence. It tells players that they can take justice into their own hands and almost castrates the effectiveness of the FIFA dsicipline committee. I use the word almost because Mr Blatter would surely not let that happen - at least not on purpose. Otherwise how could he penalise players (or not) at a whim and fancy?
If racial abuse is justification for a walkout, how about personal abuse? Where do we draw the line? Imagine Wayne Rooney walking out of a Manchester derby because City fans call him Shrek?? If anyone should have the authority to order a walkout, it would have to be the unbiased and well-trained referee - supposing there is such a thing (referring to the latter quality!). And even so, it should be at a point where hostilities are deemed to border on dangerous. Arbitrary no doubt, but isn't it better than putting the decision in the hands of 22 adrenaline pumped young men and their managers??
What is apparent is the presence of double standards in the game and the ability of the powers that be to manipulate this to their own advantage. Whether it is bigoted coaches, racist fans, delinquent drug test-ees or over vehement managers, these problems are not new, and if FIFA does not have a standard procedure in addressing such issues, perhaps it is them that are drug induced.
Thursday, November 18, 2004
An Avoidable Death in Paradise
My tropical island holiday in the sun turned sour last week as I had to pull the body of a young girl from the deadly clutches of the beach.
To those in the know, now is not the best time to visit this island paradise due to the monsoon. Surprisingly, this well known resort was opened and we were able to fly over direct from Subang. By and large however, weather was pleasant to a fault. However, stepping onto the sandy beach however, it is easy to see why many resorts are shut down during the monsoon season.
This child of 10 had wandered out, along with her relatives into a deeper section of the beach. Before long, they got into difficulties and the family on the beach were frantically calling for help. For a long while none came - no one realised or in some cases, cared enough to help. To be fair, many would have been intimidated by the rolling waves, fearing as much for their own lives. Thankfully, an Italian man responded to the cries and saved 3 of them, while an Englishman tried to reach the young girl.
I came to the scene just as they were hauling the girl from the sea and carried her on the last leg. By then, this child was foaming in the mouth. Subsequent attempts to resuscitate her was in vain - even this was done by the valiant Englishman. It was several minutes later that first aid assistance arrived from the resort, perhaps too little too late - and the child was confirmed dead at the local clinic.
Question at the back of my mind is, where were the life guards? Could they have been forewarned - for this was enforced the day AFTER the drowning? Where was the first aid support? Was this not foreseeable? Some senior management claimed that this was the first such incident in 4 years - NOT TRUE as many confirmed that a young local boy had drowned the year before as well! I am only speculating but perhaps this tragedy was avoidable, and certainly she stood a better chance had there been some form of emergency routine in place. For a resort of such status with a dive centre to boot, it is a wonder no news of this was reported in the local media.
To those in the know, now is not the best time to visit this island paradise due to the monsoon. Surprisingly, this well known resort was opened and we were able to fly over direct from Subang. By and large however, weather was pleasant to a fault. However, stepping onto the sandy beach however, it is easy to see why many resorts are shut down during the monsoon season.
This child of 10 had wandered out, along with her relatives into a deeper section of the beach. Before long, they got into difficulties and the family on the beach were frantically calling for help. For a long while none came - no one realised or in some cases, cared enough to help. To be fair, many would have been intimidated by the rolling waves, fearing as much for their own lives. Thankfully, an Italian man responded to the cries and saved 3 of them, while an Englishman tried to reach the young girl.
I came to the scene just as they were hauling the girl from the sea and carried her on the last leg. By then, this child was foaming in the mouth. Subsequent attempts to resuscitate her was in vain - even this was done by the valiant Englishman. It was several minutes later that first aid assistance arrived from the resort, perhaps too little too late - and the child was confirmed dead at the local clinic.
Question at the back of my mind is, where were the life guards? Could they have been forewarned - for this was enforced the day AFTER the drowning? Where was the first aid support? Was this not foreseeable? Some senior management claimed that this was the first such incident in 4 years - NOT TRUE as many confirmed that a young local boy had drowned the year before as well! I am only speculating but perhaps this tragedy was avoidable, and certainly she stood a better chance had there been some form of emergency routine in place. For a resort of such status with a dive centre to boot, it is a wonder no news of this was reported in the local media.
Monday, November 08, 2004
ESPNSoccernet.com: England: Blatter backs Utd fans over Glazer
ESPNSoccernet.comreports that Sepp Blatter, FIFA President has voice support of the efforts by United fans to thwart Malcom Glazier's takeover bid of the red end of Manchester. While I share a common apprehension about the real intentions of Glazier, I feel nothing but disgust towards Blatter. For someone who has time and again demonstrated bias and a willingness to intervene to get his way, it is easy enough to stand by the sidelines and claim the higher ground. But support of the same fans who have taken their protestations to the brink of legalities smacks a strong hint of irresponsibility of the part of the FIFA President!
Maybe it's because he has nothing to gain from this transaction. Maybe it's because Yankee intervention tends to lead to Yankee domination and surely Blatter can't tolerate good old fashioned capitalistic competition? Why take the higher road when you can take the whole road, as you usually do? Sadly Mr Blatter... nobody is fooled this time!
Maybe it's because he has nothing to gain from this transaction. Maybe it's because Yankee intervention tends to lead to Yankee domination and surely Blatter can't tolerate good old fashioned capitalistic competition? Why take the higher road when you can take the whole road, as you usually do? Sadly Mr Blatter... nobody is fooled this time!
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